It’s bright. It’s early. I have had only one cup of coffee. My oldest daughter is off for the first day of the last week of school, and my youngest has cuddled with me before leaving me for a mouse named Mickey. I settle in to write a blog post, as I am supposed to do every week, and I am absolutely drawing a blank.
Have you had that happen?
It’s been happening more and more lately. I’m not sure if it’s a natural break in momentum since it is nice and sunny and I’d really like to be out in the yard, my hands in the dirt. Or if the stress of the project I am working on, which has bled over into my writing (nothing for a week!), is now bleeding over into the rest of my work.
It’s moments like this when I question myself. Am I really ready to attempt to be an author? I have the words written, I have the publisher, but do I have what it takes to put myself out there in the world to sell those words? And then the even bigger fear, what if I have no more words. What if the past two years of feverishly writing is all I have?
Then I wonder if that fear is what makes me work harder, push myself harder,to keep going. Despite the stress of my life, and the block in my head, I will still push. I will still embrace social media, I will still market myself and make connections. Because, and this is a big because, BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT. Because the words I have written, while maybe not the next great american novel (I wasn’t trying for that, I swear), they are good words. With a good message. And I am proud of them. They are different than anything else I have ever done before, but that doesn’t make them less. Just different. And different is good. The world needs to embrace different more.
So, today, I will embrace my different. I will make another cup of coffee. I will hug my girl. And then I will write words. Because even if later I erase those words in favor of better (or different) ones, then at least I had those words to work with. And that is a powerful thing for a writer.